leaving imageland

Gringo is relative. In the US we call white people gringos. We don’t really call black or Asian people gringos. In Brazil, however, anyone who is not Brazilian is called gringo even Mexicans or Salvadorans, black or Asian people, would be called gringo. I would not call gringo a slur, but I guess it could be? I don’t know, maybe you have a different perspective shoot me an email. I have been mentally tortured and psychically abused through Imageland by being recommended videos of gringos in El Salvador, showing me how beautiful the beaches are, how tasty the food is, how cheap goods are there. The bureaucracy that exists around immigration is intense and confusing and the only media that has ever approximated this experience is Problemista (2023) dir. Julio Torres. Please watch this film if you want to get a better understanding of what it feels like. It was like a switch turned on January 20th. I had to do mental calculations about my immigration status. And then the planes started falling out of the fucking sky! I mean what is that? As if we aren’t already fucking terrified. I’ve actually never been afraid of flying, but I didn’t get on a plane until I was 18 because I didn’t really have a reason until then. My mom hates Trump, we call him Trompa which in Spanish translates to ‘snout’. there are, however, a lot of comparable people to my mom (older, immigrant Latinos, who are religiously conservative) that I’ve met who either embrace or at least sort of agree with him. And it’s been even more disappointing when I realize that I’m related to them. Like I can not imagine being so self hating as an immigrant that you really believe white people don’t see us all as “bad” simply because we are visibly brown and because we immigrated to this country. There’s tons of people who crossed illegally and were legalized, they just did it a lot sooner than the poor souls trying to cross the border today. My mom and I crossed the border, but again we did it before it became so politicized in 2001. We didn’t get legalized, but I have family that did in the 80s and were— the difference was literally just timing. If entry were to matter under any president. It wouldn’t be trompa It’s funny how drastically things have changed. My dad said he wasn’t scared of being deported anymore and that I shouldn’t be scared either. It’s funny how your relationship with your parents change as you get older. I think my parents see me as competent now. I know in the anglo world living with your parents until you’re an adult is strange, but I have never felt that way. My parents and I are working class So my mom, dad and I had to go get our TPS renewed because My mom and I have a relationship that most people could not possibly have the mental fortitude to comprehend Why should I leave? I’ve built my whole life in the US. My friends and the majority of my family lives here. That’s how I feel Why are things so cyclical? Why a Spanish flu type pandemic followed by a return to autocracy all around the world? Trompa in US, Le Pen in France, Milei in Argentina, Bukele in El Salvador? Maritza Libia is not a lawyer. Not even a paralegal. She’s a realtor. But we’ve been going to her for years. All my aunts and uncles are going to people who might cost less but She charges I’m making plans for May when I don’t even know if I’ll make it past March. I think to myself, there’s something wrong with you and now there’s something wrong with me because of it. If you would like to learn more about how it feels watch the movie Problemista, it is the only film I’ve ever watched that even It’s hard making plans when you don’t even know where the fuck you’re gonna be after March. I’ve had to contend with being an immigrant in more ways than one. I’m able to separate my feelings from my emotions. To apply a good faith argument to someone who has consistently shown bad faith. There’s nothing worse than feeling like there’s something wrong with you but not being able to tell what it is. Maybe the American dream is actually the brain drain dream. All the talented POC will leave the US and the useless white people to their shit head leader and his sycophantic, boot deep-throaters. They have no idea what to do when there’s no one to exploit and no way to extract profit from exploited. Crazy Horse’s ghost will return and take the land back for the indigenous folks, finally. One can dream… —- Why should we have to leave? Clearly, it’s not true that El Salvador has improved to the degree that people believe, it’s just gotten a little safer because of the authoritarian rise of Bukele. Immigrants make this country what it is, the wealth of the nation depends on them, but also the fabric of the country. I’ve had a lot of conversations with friends where they talk about leaving Imageland— and I completely understand because I hate lining the coffers of these shithead technofascists. All of my friends want to resist meta, which I completely understand as technocratic fasicsts continue to support Trompa. But again they didn’t build the wealth of these platforms or the fabric of its communities. We did. Why should we leave? I talked to my friends Karine, Riya and Vanessa about it and we agreed that we didn’t want to leave our communities behind. I don’t post a lot on Imageland, but I love to see my friends stories and being able to respond to them and also keeping in contact with friends through DM’s. Very few people want to keep correspondence through the postal office, this is our incredibly convenient and instantaneous equivalent. — It’s one thing to simply going through political situations but as faithful readers of this zine know— I am not exactly mentally or emotionally stable. The worst fucking things that you could possibly imagine happened around my birthday. To begin the hell that Trompa and his ilk bring, and then the horrific tragedy in DC where a plane flew into a helicopter, then the unthinkable happened with some of my friends, I can’t even talk about it it was really singular but painful— so literally no one gave a fuck about my birthday and it was like the first in recent memory that I was actually in Charlotte for. I at least try to go to Boone or somewhere nearby but I just kept putting it off because I wasn’t in the mood. Lily and Darren invited me on my birthday out to eat at the People’s Palace so that was nice. We had burgers and spanikopita. They had a cold case with dessert so we went up to it and picked something out (carrot cake, my favorite) and by the time I sat down I was ambushed by the staff who sang happy birthday. I don’t think I had ever had that happen to me but it happened to me at 26. Why don’t I just get a passport— brother don’t even fucking get me started! We tried to make an appointment to get our passports at the Salvadoran consulate in Charlotte. I don’t know the difference between consulates and embassy but when I’ve gone to embassy row in DC those fucking places look nice as hell— the Salvadoran one in Charlotte on the other hand is busted as fuck it’s in a shopping mall next to the laundromat and chicken shop and it’s got no sign, no indication this is a Salvadoran consulate other than the flag in front. There’s like 5 other people in the parking calling the fucking virtual embassy and they tell us they’re closed— then why the fuck would they accept appointments? on top of that the bitch on the phone tells us the laws have changed we need our DUI which is a type of ID like a social security card but not. we don’t have DUI’s, we haven’t lived in El Salvador for 20 years, no local government or bar or airport authority in the US would even recognize a DUI it’s literally useless to have and to add onto the uselessness of all of these laws you need a This is of course to get money for the local governments but if I’m not mistaken you are only born once? It doesn’t matter how many fucking years go by your fucking birth certificate doesn’t fucking change— FUCK YOU! I’m happy to disabuse you of the idea that things will be better in El Salvador or any other country— the government doesn’t give a fuck about you and they are not on your side. EVER. So you probably if you are a gringo El Salvador When you’re a 🌋🥭🌴🫓 Latino Instead of a 🌵 🌮 🐃 🌶️ Latino