KOMOREBI

What i like about Washington DC is that it reminds me of my National Geographic’s You could learn everything there is to know about the world there within all the Smithsonian museums. In spring things feel like they are getting worse than they ever have been, Priorities are so important too bad I don’t have any I am fascinated by these pandas because i havent felt this way about anything in a long time. As I get older I feel like all the wonder in my brain is dying, but I think these pandas are so incredible and sweet and pure. I wish i could know everything in the world about them. I find myself googling silly questions, do pandas like music? Do pandas like people? How smart are pandas? Do they. like a kid digging up bugs in their backyard. I really do feel stupid admitting that but These pandas returned that wonder to me. even if it worries me I think to myself this may really be the last year I ever live in the US. I used to think we shouldn’t give up, but now I realize that it was never my fight. Despite living in the US for 24 years (since I was about 2 years old) I am not considered American enough to have a say. Easily anyone could say I’m an American-hating anti-Semite because I believe Palestine should be free and because I will never ever agree with Trompa. There’s always time— as long as you don’t end up in CECOT or at Gitmo. And what would I even do in El Salvador? Bukele is just as bad, even worse than Trompa— he sends Bukele to do his dirty work, los mandados, and Bukele does it with relish. Mexico? As much as I like Mexico, it doesn’t have a great track record with Central Americans. We would just be some more Salvadoran migrants and not appreciated in the least. There is no such thing as the “Salvadoran dream” or the “Mexican dream” after all. But I guess there isn’t much of an American dream anymore either. Everything is so fucked up but I guess they like it that way. It’ll be sad to never get to see the cherry blossoms in DC. I never got to go to the Grand Canyon either, or the Tetons. But I’m not America-pilled enough to believe there aren’t as comparable, amazing things outside of the US. Cherry blossoms in Ginza, the Pyrenees, the Dolomites, the Gorges du Verdon in Europe. Leave that to the “true” Americans. But I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t hurt like hell to have to leave everything I’ve ever known. But it’s not like I’m a stranger to it, my parents did it before, I can do it again. I don’t know how people can be so selfish and blind. I don’t know I walk down independence ‘ to try to get to the tidal basin But my pace slows as I realize that all the trees are green… I stop in front of the Washington Monument. So many people are jogging around it. It’s 40 degrees and I’m freezing trying to face away from the winds. I do see eastern red buds still have their purple-ish flower but everything else is pretty much green. At this point I just want to sit down and eat my breakfast sandwich. It’s 7am. I catch sight of the jefferson memorial. It is pretty far away but I can see it from where I’m standing. I cross the street and sit down on top of a concrete box in front of a bridge looking towards tk DC. The water makes a fun pattern that I take a video with my camcorder. I would hate to live in DC. I mean you’re sitting on the fucking metro and there’s some motherfuckers wearing a suit and he’s a fucking staffer for Tom Tillis. God nerfed me by making short because otherwise I would kick his ass. I mean you’re rubbing elbows with people who are enabling some of the worse excesses of power so this whole trip was just under this On one hand I don’t hate DC, it’s a very cool city where I’ve had some good times, but on the other hand I really do fucking hate DC and would rank it amongst the worst cities in the country. — After the tidal basin was a bust I decided to head up to the National Zoo. It was still very early and cold so I didn’t want to hang out at the National Mall until the museums opened up. For some reason I’ve really been loving poetry lately. Like prose is just not enough. I’ve been trying to write poetry but it really is very embarrassing to write huh? Every now and then I get choked up by how scary everything feels. It feels so good to hear Vanessa’s voice even though I’m very saddened to hear that she’s got something very serious going on. I sit cross legged on one of the marble planters and admire the glass, there’s an equal amount of independent young people with friends and moms with kids of varying ages trailing behind. We catch up as I people watch. I’m at least jealous that you can go in for free, despite not being American or a resident of DC. I mean you have to pay to go into the Met regardless if you just want to sit in Englehard Court. It’s probably one of the better moments of the day. Maybe the life i imagine for myself isn’t the life that’s best for me. Maybe I have to contend with the fact that i really am just another loser. #zines